Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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