I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
