At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
