i love accidental penises.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
