Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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