I wannas sexs uuuuu
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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