She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
