It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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