a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
