Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
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My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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