spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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