i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
