idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
