Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
