At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
