there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
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doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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