Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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