the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
how does that bad decision feel?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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