I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
