Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I smell stomach acid.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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