So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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