I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
