i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
