did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
