i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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