He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
