just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
