My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize