sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
