Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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