We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
