Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
