I hate your face
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
