So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
