quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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