party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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