Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
