i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
