Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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