getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
