By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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