Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
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new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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