Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
