OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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