The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
