He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
