I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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