I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize