the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
