I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
