I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
