Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
