If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
