Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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