so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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