I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
