If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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