Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
