i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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