i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
