i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
