God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The Olympian is in my bed
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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