I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
