Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
