i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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