sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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