he wants to bone in the snuggie
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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