I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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