No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
