Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
