how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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