He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
