I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
