I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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