I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
