does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
