i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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