Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
