ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
