I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
