Will you blow on my dice?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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